As you've long suspected, the menace of lawn gnomes has been spreading. What was only an issue for north American suburbia has now spread to the shores of Rio de Janeiro. Copacabana and Ipanema shall no longer be safe. Most likely, your flats, apartments and hotels are about to be overrun, if they haven't already. The lawn gnomes are here on holiday with a few days to kill, literally. Here are a handful of tips on surviving the assault before they are creeping all over the real estate that you just happen to be occupying.
In the beginning, you need to be familiar with your exit strategies for the apartments or hotels that you might be residing at. Practice exiting from a first-story window. You may need to jump from your accommodations if a hoard of gnomes are crawling around your flats. Don't forget to memorize the layouts. Those little bastards have been known to cut power lines. Also, be sure and have a second bicycle covered. Lawn gnomes always disable your car rentals and also your bicycle before their assault. And finally, don't forget cardio. That bicycle won't do you any good in the event you can't peddle your heart out.
If escape from your apartments or hotels are not an option, you may be left with hand to gnome combat. Keep a weapon in every room so you always have something available to fight back. Also, get in the habit of dressing in layers. Their little blades and arrows will have a harder time penetrating layers of clothes. This will make accommodations for at least some defense.
Also, you can't forget to practice for the impending doom of a garden gnome onslaught in Rio de Janeiro. Practice rising from bed quickly in attack mode. One hand to extends to for a flashlight and the other should already have a weapon in hand to club or stab the little demons. One might also take into account rentals of some heavy duty firepower.
No one ever predicted for this kind of onslaught to occur in Rio de Janeiro, so good luck. No one expected that the lawn gnomes would be travelling south. So it looks like you must cut your vacation short.
Copacabana and Ipanema will both soon be creeping with them. It should be noted that not one of the tips in this guide assures your survival in the eventuality of a brutal lawn gnome attack, but it should at least give you a fighting chance. Good hunting and stay safe!
In the beginning, you need to be familiar with your exit strategies for the apartments or hotels that you might be residing at. Practice exiting from a first-story window. You may need to jump from your accommodations if a hoard of gnomes are crawling around your flats. Don't forget to memorize the layouts. Those little bastards have been known to cut power lines. Also, be sure and have a second bicycle covered. Lawn gnomes always disable your car rentals and also your bicycle before their assault. And finally, don't forget cardio. That bicycle won't do you any good in the event you can't peddle your heart out.
If escape from your apartments or hotels are not an option, you may be left with hand to gnome combat. Keep a weapon in every room so you always have something available to fight back. Also, get in the habit of dressing in layers. Their little blades and arrows will have a harder time penetrating layers of clothes. This will make accommodations for at least some defense.
Also, you can't forget to practice for the impending doom of a garden gnome onslaught in Rio de Janeiro. Practice rising from bed quickly in attack mode. One hand to extends to for a flashlight and the other should already have a weapon in hand to club or stab the little demons. One might also take into account rentals of some heavy duty firepower.
No one ever predicted for this kind of onslaught to occur in Rio de Janeiro, so good luck. No one expected that the lawn gnomes would be travelling south. So it looks like you must cut your vacation short.
Copacabana and Ipanema will both soon be creeping with them. It should be noted that not one of the tips in this guide assures your survival in the eventuality of a brutal lawn gnome attack, but it should at least give you a fighting chance. Good hunting and stay safe!
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